Pretty funny
From MSNBC:
"Welcome back to the studio. As amazing at it seems, the NHL season will open tonight on seven fronts, after an agreement was hammered out in the wee hours of Wednesday morning.
....
"Amazing developments here in Tampa, where a disgruntled former player has apparently made off with the Stanley Cup.
"Local police are saying that Cory Stillman, a Lightning left-winger last season who finished second on the team in scoring, grabbed the silver mug from its place of honor and was last seen racing through the bowels of the arena screaming, ‘I’m taking it back to Canada, where it belongs.’ As for motive, evidently Stillman still holds a grudge from the summer, when an arbitrator awarded him a significant raise, but Tampa Bay brass opted to walk away from the deal, leaving Stillman unemployed."
"How were the authorities able to determine it was Stillman?"
"Well, he was still wearing his No. 61 Lightning jersey. And then there was the enormous diamond Stanley Cup ring situated on his finger."
"Good work on that report. It’s four years after the 2000 elections, but it looks like those left-wingers are still causing problems in Florida.
"Speaking of Republicans, with the election less than a month away, President George W. Bush is seeking to grab that elusive hockey moms vote by making an appearance at the Shark Tank later tonight when San Jose plays host to the Vancouver Canucks. Let’s go to San Jose for an update."
"According to Republican party sources, President Bush’s trip to San Jose isn’t merely about stumping for votes. He’s requested an audience with Vancouver’s Todd Bertuzzi, like Bush a powerful right-wing presence.
"After witnessing footage of Bertuzzi’s attack on Colorado Avalanche center Steve Moore last season, Bush is seeking Bertuzzi’s help in putting a stop to the antics of Michael Moore. So far, there’s been no comment from the Bertuzzi camp. Back to you."
"Todd Bertuzzi, now there’s a weapon of mass destruction.
....
"We’ve got an update from Ottawa, where the Montreal Canadiens and Senators are six minutes into the first period and Ottawa goalie Dominik Hasek has yet to pull his groin. We’ll keep you posted as this story develops.
"Welcome back to the studio. As amazing at it seems, the NHL season will open tonight on seven fronts, after an agreement was hammered out in the wee hours of Wednesday morning.
....
"Amazing developments here in Tampa, where a disgruntled former player has apparently made off with the Stanley Cup.
"Local police are saying that Cory Stillman, a Lightning left-winger last season who finished second on the team in scoring, grabbed the silver mug from its place of honor and was last seen racing through the bowels of the arena screaming, ‘I’m taking it back to Canada, where it belongs.’ As for motive, evidently Stillman still holds a grudge from the summer, when an arbitrator awarded him a significant raise, but Tampa Bay brass opted to walk away from the deal, leaving Stillman unemployed."
"How were the authorities able to determine it was Stillman?"
"Well, he was still wearing his No. 61 Lightning jersey. And then there was the enormous diamond Stanley Cup ring situated on his finger."
"Good work on that report. It’s four years after the 2000 elections, but it looks like those left-wingers are still causing problems in Florida.
"Speaking of Republicans, with the election less than a month away, President George W. Bush is seeking to grab that elusive hockey moms vote by making an appearance at the Shark Tank later tonight when San Jose plays host to the Vancouver Canucks. Let’s go to San Jose for an update."
"According to Republican party sources, President Bush’s trip to San Jose isn’t merely about stumping for votes. He’s requested an audience with Vancouver’s Todd Bertuzzi, like Bush a powerful right-wing presence.
"After witnessing footage of Bertuzzi’s attack on Colorado Avalanche center Steve Moore last season, Bush is seeking Bertuzzi’s help in putting a stop to the antics of Michael Moore. So far, there’s been no comment from the Bertuzzi camp. Back to you."
"Todd Bertuzzi, now there’s a weapon of mass destruction.
....
"We’ve got an update from Ottawa, where the Montreal Canadiens and Senators are six minutes into the first period and Ottawa goalie Dominik Hasek has yet to pull his groin. We’ll keep you posted as this story develops.
